Decisions and Priorities

I am finding that one of the greatest - and most difficult - advancements in  maturity is making decisions based on priorities, not on what seems good to you alone.

This is a difficult thing, something I had not anticipated on having to learn.

Decision making is easier when you're younger, of course - it's only you.  The consequences of your decisions - at least the short term consequences - are generally not too damaging.  If you choose to decide something else - the life changing decisions of a major change or job change - it's not too bad; you just do it.

Then you marry and decisions become a little more difficult - there are two to think of rather than one.  Oftentimes longer range decisions - to buy a house and stay somewhere for example - begin to play a part.  Even other changes begin to have impact - if I do this, how does it affect the other person - come into play.  But to a large degree, there is still the flexibility of being able to choose largely based on you and your needs or wants.

And then children arrive.

It's subtle at first - a thought here about if we do this we can't, because something else is going on or if we move, X will not be in our lives - but it gets larger as they get older.  What one comes to discover is that at some point - I wish I understood where that point was - your decisions no longer really become your own.  It's not just you that is impacted - it's all those around you, those who depend on you, those whose lives you are responsible for. They now come to play as big - or even bigger - role in your decisions as your personal desires and wants do.

And then suddenly something becomes apparent, something which maybe you should have grasped years ago:  that all decisions are ultimately based on priorities. 

We confuse this, especially early on, as we think we are making decisions solely on what is most agreeable or best for us.  In point of fact we are exercising our priorities by choosing - it's just that at that time in our lives, our priorities tend to be centered around us.  To the blessed and foresighted, they realize this early on and make very good decisions.  The rest of us  - I count myself in this category - blunder along until we're confronted with it, hopefully not too late.

Because making decisions based on priorities instead of personal pleasure is tough.  It means subverting our own wants and desires to something longer term and usually better, even if that "better" is not for us directly.  It means we accept the fact that all decisions have consequences, consequences that are both sometimes irrevocable and impactful in the lives of others to a degree that may not be seen for years.  It means that what is a priority and important may not be the most desirable thing for me personally - but that does not make the decision any less right.

All choices have consequences, consquences we can never fully control.  We make the best choices we can - we just need to ensure that they are made on the priorities we have established instead of always on personal whims.  Thus, when we face the outcomes of those choices, we can point back to the service of the higher goal - and hopefully the good results - rather than to yet another decision that brings us pleasure but destroys all that matters.