Disobedience

In reading this morning, God brought to mind the story of Saul and Samuel.  It's found in 1st Samuel 15 where Saul, then King of Israel, fails to completely execute the word of the Lord as sent by Samuel:  instead of wiping out all the Amalakites, he spares King Agag and the best of the flocks.  When Samuel arrives and asks why Saul didn't obey the voice of the Lord, Saul temporizes:  first he blames the people, then he blames the need for perfect sacrfices.  The Lord's response through Samuel?

"Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrficies,
As in obeying the voice of the Lord?
Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,
And to heed than the fat of rams.
For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft,
And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the LORD,
He has also rejected you from being King."
 - 1st Samuel 15: 22-23

This sat on my mind after I read it, having just finished a part of Henry's Blackaby's book Experiencing God where he discusses the same fact: that in order to be on mission with God, we need to be obedient to God.

Which circled me back to my own life:  how well am I being obedient to Christ?

Not very well, I'm afraid.  Simply put, I feel as if I'm nowhere near where I need to be.  And the disappointing thing (if one can use such a mild term for something God feels so strongly about) is that I fear the impact that such disobedience is having on my own life and the lives of those around me.  Yes, I understand that everything going well is no particular sign of God's favor and everything not going well is no particular sign of God's anger, but I am struck by the fact that so often I hit those walls I have so often written about.  Could it be that those walls are really just the limits of my obedience?

Which, I suppose, is good in one sense:  disobedience is something which an be remedied.  Not easily all the time, of course, but remedied.  Certainly one of the great aspects of God is that in returning to Him He does not immediately demand supernatural feats of brilliance.  He just asks us to stop what we're doing, agree it's wrong, and start (in concert with His spirit) doing the right thing.

But this whole discussion leaves me haunted in one aspect:  Saul was rejected as King over Israel because of the incident listed above, even though he went on to reign for many more years.  Has my disobedience already cost me such opportunities as will never come again and can never be redeemed?  And if so, would I know?