Clinging to The Past

Am I clinging to that which is past?

I was struck this weekend as I was contemplating projects that I wanted to work on:  did any of this really make sense?  Are any of the these things actually relevant to my life or what I am doing today, or are they echos of  a past that simply no longer exists except in my mind?

We passed our three year New Home-aversary this Saturday.  On the one hand, it's hard to believe that it has already been three years - which is a blessing, since it means (to my mind) that Na Clann and indeed all of us have blended in so well here that there no sense of time merely passing but of being engaged in the world around us..

But as I thought about this - and the realities of a life with a family - I began to look at what I was doing and wanted to do and asking the question "Why am I doing/holding on to this?"

The question initially started in the context of a random discussion about other potential places we might consider living.  The response was "If it's all the same to you, we like it here a great deal".

This was not the answer I was really expecting.

On the one hand I am exceedingly grateful for the answer, because as mentioned above it means everyone has blended right in.  On the other hand it was the answer I didn't really want, because it implies certain things about where we live and what we do.

Suddenly, I looked at the things I want to do - or dreamed of doing - and cast them in the mold of New Home.  Not surprisingly, many of them don't seem to immediately fit right in.

Which leads me back to the question:  am I clinging to the past?

How I - how all of us - spend the limited time and resources presented is based on a concept of how we believe life is going to be.  Over time, we collect interest, hobbies, things, even acquaintances based on the direction our life seems to be moving in.  Sometimes we take overt steps towards that end, but I suspect for most of us it's a careful balance of living our life and working towards where we believe (or want or hope) to be.

But what happens when that all gets moved aside?

If suddenly I'm thrust into living in a desert situation, my interest in Scuba may be interesting to me, but it will hardly make a difference with the live I am living most of the time.  Likewise an interest in running a cattle ranch  when I'm trapped in the suburbs may give me hours of thought provoking ideas on free range cattle but will not address the actual reality of where I am.

So if this is true - and on some level for all of us our lives are much different than we anticipated - the question remains:  Are we clinging to the past?  Are we clinging to ideas and interests and hobbies that don't reflect the reality of where we are?

Can they be transformed?  Of course.  A career dream of writing only can be transformed into writing meditations and an occasional book (for example).  A free range cattle ranch dream can be transferred to an urban garden with quail and ducks. 

But this change requires one thing:  an honest look at where we are and what we are doing and if what we are doing makes sense.  This willingness to question needs to be met by a second item:  the willingness to let go.

By clinging to that which has always been in our hands, we lose the ability to grasp that which is in front of us.