Permission

What is the first step to changing our life or anything in our life?  Is there a mystical aura that suddenly arises, or do the clouds form themselves into words?  Does our dog look up and us and say in an audible voice "Go West, Young Man"?

I ask the question because I am person who on one hand throughly supports the idea of change and growth while on the other hand seem to have a less than stellar track record on the subject.  Why is that?

Motivation has something to do with it, of course.  Without motivation nothing will happen; without motivation that is not tied something more enduring than "I hope someone notices this" nothing will change for the long term.

But even motivation is an effect, not a cause.  There is something deeper still, something buried in the depths of self that give rise to motivation.

And then somewhere on my morning bike ride this morning the answer came blazing down to me:  we have to give ourselves permission to grow.  We have to become more comitted to the growth that to the comfort of our current self.  And we need to accept that we have to choose this ourselves instead of waiting for permission from someone else.

The first two thoughts are ones I've read and seen before, so there was no great shock there.  The third one nearly plowed me into a parked car.

We need to accept that we have to choose change for ourselves instead of waiting for permission from someone else.

For myself, I am a man of permissions. I work in an industry of permissions, of things that can and can't be done or there are consequences.  And too often I've worked  where decisions cannot be made unless decisions are made by others, sometimes decisions which almost run out the clock in making them.

The thing with waiting for permission instead of acting is that sometimes the affirmation comes to late:  the window for completing something is gone, or the opportunity has passed.  You would have said yes, but you were forced to wait.

That may be as it is in our professional lives.  My fear is that I have allowed it to invade my personal life as well - for far too long.

It's almost as if I'm looking for permission - indeed, for approval - from someone else to make changes, looking for a sign of approval, a hint of disapproval, before I move in a direction.  Like a soothsayer of old, I watch the flock of birds looking for the slightest variation in flight pattern to determine the course of the future.

But reality is different.  Reality is that other than those close to you, most people don't care one way or the other.  In fact, in some cases it serves their cause more to have you do nothing than to have you change.  But we (at least I) continue to pursue the permission that will not come in hopes that I'll get that spark of affirmation that says "Yes.  Go ahead. Do that."

The cure?  As hard is it will be for me to implement, the cure is simply to decide that I will no longer wait for permission to change, to grow.  There is no permission or approval come - except if it comes from myself.  If it is a situation where I need the permissions of others fine, I'll get that.  But for much of the growth and change I need to do as an individual, there is no permission from others.  There is only the acceptance that I need permission from myself.

Change begins in ourselves the day we decide we have had enough.