Failures

Failures bother me.  Personal failures bother me more.  Repeat personal failures bother me the most.

Nothing speaks to me more of my sin nature than the fact that there are just some things that I repeatedly fail at - not the sort of thing that is tried and not accomplished, but the sort of thing that is done and shouldn't be.  For those who are Christian, it's sin. 

It bothers me but not on the level that it really should.

The thing that does bother me is that it is a sign of personal weakness, a lack of self control.  Especially returning to the same issues over and over again.  It serves as a reminder that I have not overcome basic character flaws and not self disciplined myself enough.

But the thing that doesn't bother me - and should - is how much it says about how far I haven't come yet.

Repeat personal failures should be treated by me as one of the greatest learning tools I have available to myself.  They are the road signs of things I have not advanced in but should have.  They demonstrate where I am most vulnerable.  They show where sin resides most deeply in my soul, the ingrained portions I cannot or will not address.

They are the road map to all the unlit portions of my soul.   And seeing them, knowing they are there, means that I have grasped where my limitations lie, because I cannot advance farther than my greatest personal failure. 

The question is am I more committed to dealing with them - and the pain and discomfort that will cause - than I am committed to becoming comfortable with them.