Reorganization

I am going through one of my periodic work area reorganizations.

I always dreamed of having an office at home: a large desk, a series of bookshelves lining the room with my texts, subdued interior decoration of my Japanese prints, recessed lighting.

For my entire adult life, I have had none of these things.

The closest was when we first got married in Old Home: I had a bedroom which was "mine" in the sense that it had my desk and computer in it - along with the spare bed and a lot of other things (the bright fish on the bed's comforter really added to the mystique of "my place"). Since then, my "space" has slowly contracted, from larger computer desks to a smaller desk in the closet. My current iteration is half of a folding table located in the game room, split with half an area for crafting and across from The Ravishing Mrs. TB's scrapbook table. On the bright side, I actually do get have bookshelves for once, although their not the oak closed cabinets I always imagined but rather a veneer-faded white, open faced, occasionally having shelves setting on dowels which I suspect where not originally envisioned.

So I reorganize from time to time, put things on the desk here with the computer, then pulling them off later as I try to find the new "way" that I want things to work, or at least they work for me.

In a way, reorganizing my work area is like resetting goals for myself: what is the thing of latest importance gets moved on their, things that are not working get pulled out. Perhaps it continues to reflect the unsettledness of my own mind and how I view myself: never quite sure what is of real importance, or maybe that constant redefinition of myself I constantly seem to be undertaking.

But the one good thing about workspace reorganization is that it is, for me, a form of centering, of returning back to the beginning. By the process of reorganizing a place which I recognize as purely mine, it becomes a form of renewal, of reorganization back to who I am and where it is I want to go.

In reality, I'll probably never have the great office I have always contemplated. That's okay I suppose - I have the office of my soul, which is by far the more important.