Mornings of Quiet Desolation

Today was a morning of quiet desolation.

One wouldn't think so. After all, today is Friday, the last day of the week. Theoretically a downhill run until Saturday.

But no. Not this morning. Not one bit of energy.

I got out of bed at the regular time and promptly went and flopped on the couch downstairs. Thought briefly about going to the gym, but just felt too..."blah"...so on the couch I laid.

I simply had no energy - or interest - to do anything: Iaido, study, even really make coffee. Just me on the couch, occasionally pulling the pillow off from over my head to see if it was light enough that I had to get up.

I know what it's about. I can pinpoint the cause specifically. What hurts is that the cause cannot be easily or simply remedied - and even if it can, the length of time it will take seems terribly daunting at this moment.

But that doesn't help now - even now when I am up, feeling the slow call of the clock keeping minutes, calling me away to one more day of the same. There is no sense of "It's Friday", but only a sense of "Lord, let me just survive today."