Independence

Another epiphany driving home today. What I crave: Independence.

Through my recent up and downs of work, of the previous times of looking for work and waiting, even at The Firm, one thing which suddenly jumped out at me was how dependent I was and am: dependent on my current employer, dependent on people to make decisions, dependent on the good will and grace of others to make my daily living.

For my current position, in one of the best interviews I ever had, the individual told me "I'm independently wealthy so I don't need this job. I'm here because I want to be here. I have no problems telling truth, because I don't need the job."

But for myself (and many like me) our jobs have become a series of of uncertainties - not based only on the financial health of the company or how hard we work, but the personal opinions and constructs and bad decisions of others which can - at a moment - put our jobs at risk.

I don't want independence purely for the sake of making money. I want independence for the purpose of not having my own and my family's financial future (and therefore, our future) put at the mercy of individuals or companies.

But waiting to become independent by being dependent is no more successful than saving your way to wealth without investing. It won't work.

So perhaps for me, the better question to ask is not "How can I find a new job?" (when that time comes) as "What can I do to build independence?"

This is a road I have scratched at the start of many times, even taken tentative steps with The Firm, but never really advanced down. Why? Because of a lack of knowledge and fear: a lack of knowledge of what to do and how to do it, a fear that I will fail.

The knowledge can be remedied (all knowledge gaps can). As for the fear, what's worse: the fear of something that could happen, or the daily nagging fear that constantly looms over my head?

Does independence fix that fear entirely? No, of course not - but I believe it at least offers a sense of control, the very thing that seems beyond my grasp at the moment.

I have spent a lifetime surrendering control. It's time to get a little of it back.