Demotivated

I feel so demotivated this morning.

I don't know if it is being tired or a long day at work yesterday (or the one facing me today) or the realization that based on the talk of the revised banking rules the chances of my ever owning a house again are pretty non-extant (even though I'll work for the rest of my life), but I just have nothing.

I'll go through the motions of course: shower next, followed by trekking off to work for a day of productivity (this is how I now measure a day of work: was I productive?) followed by the commute home, dinner, Iaido and then bed. I'll talk, laugh, do work, try to concentrate, do my duty.

But underneath it all is this nagging lack of energy to do anything, to try. It's as if all the purpose and meaning had been pulled from my life, leaving me with...nothing. Well, nothing except a series of duties that I have to perform because that's my job and role in life.

Jobs and roles, accountability and responsibility. The stuff of duty - and, it seems, a way to speed through life without trying.