Relationships

As I lie slug-a-bed this morning on the first day of the New Year (an eventful and good year, I'm feeling) I'm examining the question of relationships in my life - and what I expect of them.

The reality is that we have different levels of relationships and expectations of those relationships, even with the ones we love.

I haven't always believed this was true. I had a fairly black and white view of relationships: either I can share or I can't. Either I can talk or I can't.

What I realized, as I sat and thought about it, is that this is not true in my life. There are, of course relationships where it is simply a nodding acquaintance, a 'Hi, How are you?" sort of interaction. There are those interactions - I have been blessed with many - of coworkers, those who we spend much of our working days with. In some cases, these are the nodding acquaintances; in others, these pass over into the realm of an honest friend, someone that can be shared with. The distinction - and I don't think I consciously thought of it until now - is that here there limits: there are things that are not discussed, or perhaps discussed only under the right set of circumstances.

And this extends to all friends - and loved ones - as well.

Relationships are different. There are some friends and loved ones with which you can truly open yourself up on any subject (admittedly, these are precious few in any lifetime). There are those which you may discuss many things, but perhaps not certain subjects. And there are those in which what you discuss may be a very limited scope indeed.

Why the difference? What I have come to see is that relationships perform different functions in our lives. We come to learn - or instinctually grasp - that for many of them, there are limits to what they can and will bear - and if we put more on them than we can bear, they will collapse in ways that are hard to foresee but almost always bad.

Can they be changed, be improved to take on other functions? I believe the answer is yes - but like all building projects, it needs planning and time and materials to set the foundation for an expansion.

And (another discovery for me) not all relationships are meant to be all things. Seldom does a relationship fulfill all the requirements of human interaction. Again, this is not a bad thing - the fact that we need each other pushes us to into meeting people we would have never dreamed of -and (I really believe that C.S. Lewis would nod his head in satisfaction at this) some of the most unlikely people end up becoming some of our dearest friends.

So in this New Year, as we roll back into our workplaces and lives, take a minute - not only to be thankful for relationships in my life, but to look at what they are, what purpose they fulfill, are you treating them in a way that honors and does not stress them - and how (if possible) can they be improved.