Day One

Day One of the new work year.

This is always the milestone, the first new foot of the new work year. All of the problems and issues that were put on the back burner during Christmas and New Year's will rush to fore as soon as I flip on the computer this morning.

I have successfully ignored this rush during my vacation, and only succumbed briefly to it on the one day that I was back (it took only two hours that day for the blush of vacation to wear off). But it looms over my head like the sword of Damocles, ready to plunge tip first into my skull as soon as I give it time and space.

So here's the trick: I'm not going to let it do so.

I need to reorganize my relationship with work - all work.

Yesterday, even though it was my day off, I spent about 2.5 hours working on annual reviews. It was the kind of work day that one dreams of: focused, concentrated, free from distractions. I walked away feeling like I had really accomplished something. There were no negative feelings, no anger, no sense of being overwhelmed by circumstances and the situation.

In other words, I ran my job - my job did not run me.

It is this attitude that I need take in with me to work this morning - and every morning of the year.

The reality is that my job - every job I have ever had - will take as much of me as I am willing to give it. Should I do a good, diligent job? Of course. But should I reach the point that my job is destroying my sense of inner peace, eating up my sleep, causing me to work late in hopes that I will get more done when in reality I am merely wasting time because I am not focused, creating an happy me to the point that mo theaglach notices that Dad is always "in a bad mood"? Of course not.

I am a servant of my job. I am not a slave. There is a subtle distinction. A servant is one that is hired to perform a task. A slave is property that is used to perform a task -"Dumb tools", as Cato the Censor referred to them. No rights, no opinions - just tasks to perform.

It will be hard. I have no illusions about this. My coworkers will begin to question my lack of time for them. My management will undoubtedly question that I although I arrive far earlier than they do, I am also leaving earlier. The fact that I am no longer covering for underlying faults in the structure -that I am not giving "110%" to solve every issue, to be everything to every one - will undoubtedly result in some heated discussions.

That's as it may be. In the end I have to live with myself and my sanity - not my job.