Patterns

How much of the conflict within and without ourselves is caused by patterns which we create?

Especially in our relationships, how much of our day to day interaction becomes a product of patterns of interaction that we have set in place, to the point that changing the patterns seems impossible?

In meeting people, especially new friends, double especially those who we want or value, we often seem to do anything we can to establish a connection. Like a Texas Thunderstorm, we keep striking with lightning, trying to find the one hit that will spark that connection that will light up the relationship.

But trying to do these lightning strikes, I think we miss the critical point of being who we are. We are so desirous of making the connection that we tend to not be ourselves - then, when later we are hit by the realities of life and that role no longer fits (because it was not ever really us), the patterns that were put into place by us seem to prevent us from breaking out into a new paradigm of interaction. All of the history, all of the failures to keep the pattern get brought to mind every time something out of the ordinary happens - suddenly it is no longer trying something new but rather creating issues which disrupt life to the point of unworkability.

This is probably where a core comes into place. If we live from our core, if we live who we are rather than trying to make connections based on something we are not, we will (inevitably, it seems) come to the place where who we presented ourselves to be and who we actually are exist as two entirely different people. But if we approach people from the position of "This is who I am" and let those patterns develop from there, life changes. The patterns established become those of our nature - the sort of natural flow of events and actions, like performing sword waza slowly: no action forced, each motion smoothly flowing into the next one. In a word, elegance.

There is a point at which this could go on and on - there are applications here in job interviews, in relationships, in marriages, in friendships, in every interaction with individuals that we have. In every relationship, what are we trying to do? What patterns are we setting at the start?

But for myself I am left with a burning question: if my patterns are not based on my core but on creating relationships, can patterns be realistically changed? Can you change the past to live from your core?

If so, how?

If not, what then?