Conscious Choosing

I walked away from an opportunity this weekend.

The opportunity to meet on it was set on Friday as I drove home. "Monday we'll talk" was the coda of the conversation. It would have involved me being going for week stretches at a time.

Then, as I was away this weekend, I got confronted by a series of questions by The Ravishing Mrs TB and concepts within myself that the matter to the fore for consideration:

- Was I already preparing myself to live alone? Because I sure seemed to be setting myself up like that by how I conducted myself at home.
- Was I aware that of what was going on in my daughter's lives? (No, I wasn't) Did I talk to them about what was going on in their lives (No, I really don't - too busy working on my "important things").
- The recent trend of me being so productive during the week but being exhausted during the weekends due to lack of sleep - is this maintainable long term? (No, it's not).

And so, for the first time in long years (long, long years) I said no.

It's not just a matter of will - having the intensity and focus to see things through to completion - it's just as much about doing the right things, the important things. And if you don't know what those are, you begin to take any opportunity that comes along because of the immediate discomfort and pain, ricocheting from place to place, job to job, relationship to relationship rather than finding the pillars in your life, those things that are important, and basing your decisions on those.

In order to choose wisely, you need to know what you really want - and what the ramifications of your decision are.