A Visit With Fear

"I never take counsel of my fears." - General George Patton

I am a fear counselee. Good Lord, I'm so much a fear counselee that I have a permanent appointment and couch in Fear's office.

As I plopped down on that couch yesterday evening for my daily appointment, Fear looked up from his desk. "Give me a minute" he said. "I've got a few things to take care of here - loss of jobs and potential failures of various things to sign off on."

"No problem" I sighed, settling into the raised pattern of cushions I knew so well as he continued to quietly type away while humming under his breath, until at last he smiled at the screen and hit the "Enter" key with a triumphant hand.

"My apologies for that" he purred as he turned to face me fully. "What can I help you with today?"

"I've got a problem" I replied uncomfortably, not really sure how to begin. "I...I.."

"Go ahead" replied Fear soothingly, his eyes almost seeming to glow at the opportunity. "What is it? Don't -if I may make a pun - be afraid?"

I sighed, mustering my courage. "I'm not having as much fear as I used to. This worries me."

Whatever smooth smile that was on Fear's face was instantly wiped away, replaced by an attitude of concern. "This sounds serious" he said. "Let's discuss this. Surely you're missing something."

I shook my head. "I don't know that I am. I'm just not having as much fear as I used to. It's like I'm trying to deal with my problems instead of hiding from them or allowing them to be bigger in my mind than they are."

Fear shook his head. "That's not it at all. Sounds to me like you're just not seeing things realistically enough. Look at you: Far away from home and family, in a job you're not really in control of, slowly digging your way out financially, in a world of unsettling times - and your relationship with God: is He there, does He care? Let's not start, shall we?" He grabbed for his every present notepad and said "Where shall we begin?"

I shook my head again. "No, I'm pretty certain on this. I'm not as afraid as I used to be. Some, sure, but I'm working on that too."

I thought for a minute in the resulting silence, as the second hand marched across the clock and Fear sat in his desk facing me, fidgeting with his pen. "You know" I said, breaking the silence, "in fact I think I'm better. I'm canceling my appointment for tomorrow."

"But-"

"No no old chap" I said more confidently as I stood up, brushing my pants off, "I can't bother you anymore. I see now that I've got to deal with them, rather than talking about them. It's okay - don't bother to get up. I can see my way to the door."

The last thing I saw before I left the room was Fear sitting in his desk, his eyes staring off into space - looking, of all things, afraid.