Torn

I am struggling with my heart torn in two.

On the one hand, my heart continues to be at The Ranch. Speaking with my parents this weekend, they related how the unusually wet winter has lead to the meadows being green with grass, the streams running high, geese wandering around the meadow, the bees are doing well, and the garden that my father has put in is moving along. I would love to be able to go there this weekend, look at the bees, see the meadows, and plan my inevitable "big plans" for what can be done up there.

On the other hand, what seems to best for my family at this time is for us to stay in New Home. Na Clann have a wonderful school, I have a good paying job and we are able to contemplate rebuilding our financial lives. For so many practical reasons, this seems like the place to be right now.

So how do I merge my heart and my necessity? How do I keep from constantly not being here? It seems that most things that I truly want to do are there, not here. Do I surrender those dreams and (at least in my own mind) settle for here, or do I continue to hope and dream perhaps ending in tilting at windmills?