Discouraged

I am just utterly discouraged this morning, the sort of discouragement that stems from the realization that in a large segment of my life, my role is that of window dressing, rather than actually accomplishing anything.

It is a horrible realization, the sensation that suddenly comes when you realize that your knowledge and opinions are valued only to the extent that they can provide the appearance of doing something right, rather than actually doing something right. The policies that you were brought in to put in place, the things that you constantly preach, the examples that you demonstrate - all of these are nothing except a tick mark on the box of things that need to be in place.

You are suddenly confronted with the realization -with any soft lighting or pastel tones - that the things you hoped to instill are actually viewed as nothing more than bolt on, something that can be put in place or removed at the whim of someone else.

And yet, the day faces you and the minutes tick by and you prepare to go do this thing yet again.

It's a sort of Alice In Wonderland experience, this being in place for something that can apparently be turned off at will - and your job is smile, nod benignly, and say "That's okay. It'll all be fine."