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Thursday, January 07, 2010

Believe in Me?

Am I capable of doing anything right?

I talked through my epiphany yesterday morning to Fear Beag and Fear Mor at work. Both of them came back with the same conclusion that I did: yes, they could see the intellectual implications of needing to believe one could succeed in a potentially failing situation but could not see any more than I a way to reconcile the two different poles.

I have been trying (as part of my New Year resolutions) to make a habit of doing some success-based literature reading every morning. Recently this has been Jeffrey Gitomer's The Little Red Book of Selling (via a kind loan by Otis). In reading this morning, which was re-reading yesterday morning, the question of believing in yourself came up, of believing that you are capable, that you can actually succeed (Gitomer eventually extends this into his concept of "YES" attitude).

Which brought me to the question above: Am I capable of doing anything right, or more correctly, do I believe am I capable of doing anything right?

It's self belief, something which I gather I've always had problems with as a Christian balancing between the fact that the heart is deceitful, and who can know it (Jeremiah 17:9), esteeming others better than yourself (Philippians 2:3), and acknowledging the fact that God has created me as a unique being with gifts and talents. The outcome, I think, seems to have always been weighted to the side of "I'm not worthy, I can't, and I shouldn't try. That's pride."

But that's not really pride, is it?

It's (at least to me) always been a struggle to believe that I can succeed - not at things like writing or singing or beekeeping (If I can read it, I can do it) but at "larger" things, like career or job (or even parenting, for that matter). I could shrug it off on authority figures who have out ruled me, or bad decisions I made which turned out to be true, or my perceived inability to make changes. But in reality, it really comes back to the belief that "I can't" - I can't succeed, I can't make changes, I can't do what "successful" people do.

My next question: how as a Christian do I inculcate a proper view of self which acknowledges my place before God yet gives me the believe that I can based on what I have been given?

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