Rawness of Soul

This thought floated through my head this morning as I took Syrah the Mighty for a walk this morning.

"Well Hello" I said. "Where are you from?"

The thought refused to answer me. It just kind of hung there to the edge of my vision at the right, apparently avoiding getting run over by the dog as she investigated the night's scents.

"Okay, fine then. Keep your secrets" I muttered as I continued along. "If you won't co-operate, I'll do it on my own."

So on I walked, the dog straining at her leash back and forth across the road, as I pondered and the thought floated along beside me.

Was my soul feel raw? No doubt about it. What did that mean precisely? A sense of unhappiness and anger running through all my activities; a sense of helplessness in the face of life.

Helpless in the face of life? Yes. How helpless? Helpless in the sense of feeling that I have so very little control over vast swaths of my life and that I am essentially unable to take control - in fact, that even if I got control, I wouldn't know what to do.

Goals, yes, I know. Goals are supposed to help that -except when you seem to have problems setting them, and the ones that you do set seem impossible to achieve the moment you set them.

Which leaves one feeling trapped, a cog in a giant machine, with nothing but more of the same tomorrow - which leads to rawness of soul, become upset at the slightest thing.

"So if that's the idea" I asked, "How do I overcome it?" The thought just kind of drifted off a little more to the right, closemouthed (as so many thoughts are) about anything other than its existence.

But even though it wouldn't talk, the question still remains. I think I have an answer, I'm just not sure how to apply it: For me at least, it just takes one thought to cascade onto a different thought pattern. What is that one thought, that one action, that will be lodestone for a different set of cascading thoughts?