Day 86 of layoff.
Daibhidh Mor had an interesting comment yesterday as we were sitting chatting after bottling beer. "How's it going to feel to go back to work?" he asked.
My initial thought was "Well, of course it's going to feel good". And it will. Forced inaction creates nothing but frustration. At the same time, it will be weird to be on a schedule again - and possibly one not of my own choosing.
Example: If my interview tomorrow is successful and eventually a job is offered, the reality is I will be facing a 2 hour commute going and a 2+ hour commute coming home. It's just that far. Add to that work and a lunch and a reasonable sleep time (and I really can't function with less than 7 hours a night), and that's 20 hours a day right there. The problem is, as soon as I go there, my head immediately fills up with everything that I will not be able to do - i.e. personal life down the tubes. This, as you might imagine, is less than a riveting thought.
On the other hand, I am making a critical error when I think this: that my time is my own. The reality is, it's not. I can't create it, I can't stop it, I can't add more to it, all I can do is use it effectively - that "redeeming the time" that shows up in Colossians and Ephesians. My time is really God's time. He has the right to determine how He uses it, even as He has the right to determine how He uses my life.
And that is where faith comes in. Whatever opportunity comes through, the reality is that it will cost me something. If it is a commuting, it will cost me the time to do things I think are important to me at the moment. I will simply have to have faith that in that case, God is accomplishing His purpose through me by doing things this way and that those things are not as important to Him as the thing that He is accomplishing.
Which is hard. I so want to say that I have control and need to have the freedom to do things because I'm unique and gifted and gosh darn it, I'm more than my job and this commute. How could God do this to me?
Which brings up the second thought: When you use this line of thinking with God, how well has it gone in the past?
Interesting....you make the comment "My time is really God's time. He has the right to determine how He uses it, even as He has the right to determine how He uses my life." and immediately follow it with the comment "How could God do this to me?" if he should point you in the direction of a new job.
ReplyDeleteIf going back to work in a corporate environment is that distasteful then maybe it is time to make a decision or a leap of faith and start a new and different career.
Yes, I've wrestled with that a few posts back. It's a thought that has wandered through my brain - the question is, what would that thing be?
ReplyDeleteCase in point: I was "presented" with an opportunity last week for what was essentially financial planning presentation. That part I could do - the part the was offensive to me was the marketing campaign (basically, you hit up your friends and family to let you "do" presentations, and hope for referrals). I have always objected to that sort of thing - yet that's what so much of what exists as "do it yourself" opportunities.
And other things? They are out there, but for the life of me I have not come up with that opportunity, the thing that catches my eye and says "You can do this!".