Sovereignty

I had one of those wake up calls today, the kind God gives where He says "It's not enough to meet the appearance of obedience; you must be obedient."

I am insatiably curious about my work environment in terms of finance, senior management decisions, etc. - I suppose you could tie this to my general distrust of senior management (at every company I have worked at prior to this one, senior management has treated the employees poorly through bad decisions, company failures, and feathering their own nests). I try to keep my ear to the ground, looking at things publicly available, just trying to get a feel of what is going on.

So this afternoon, I found an interesting document, printed it out, and planned to take it home when I left to read. I'm 3o minutes into my commute, go to find it, and suddenly realized that I can't find it. I call mathair (mom, our admin), who goes and looks and finds it sitting in the work room by the pretzels I had stuffed myself with before I left. The rest of the drive I am tortured with "who saw it, did they connect me with it, will I get in trouble."

And then, in another one of those moments, God spoke to me through His word:

"Unless the Lord builds the house, they laboreth in vain that build it; unless the Lord keep the city, the watchment waketh but in vain.
It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He giveth unto His beloved sleep." (Psalm 127 1-2)

Whom do I trust in? Myself ("Can you make hair of your head black or white?") With all my scheming and "Need to Know", am I truly trusting in God's hand, or in my own maneuvering to get my way? Am I being a good employee, or am I edging towards the line of delving into things I shouldn't?"

If I were to suffer consequences, and they are not because of any Christian witness I might have, I have failed to be a good witness and there is no benefit (1 Peter 2:20, 4:15). How does that benefit the glory of God?

Is Christ really the Lord of my Life? Do I truly trust Him in everything (Romans 8: 28-29)?