tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post4663110062675537231..comments2024-03-28T18:44:08.125-07:00Comments on The Forty-Five: A Marriage DiscussionToirdhealbheach Beucailhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872794169534403463noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-43289672304971641142022-01-28T06:05:34.924-08:002022-01-28T06:05:34.924-08:00Boyd - "Flight or fight depending on the thei...Boyd - "Flight or fight depending on the their plight" - that is a lovely thought I need to dwell on more.<br /><br />In one sense we are always in a "Giant Re-education Camp" as Our Political And Social Betters (OPASB) know "what is best for us". The reality is that it is up to us to push back (if you read here often, you know my idea of "push back" is in personal practice and conversations). Toirdhealbheach Beucailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872794169534403463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-28377494457775730122022-01-27T18:42:02.469-08:002022-01-27T18:42:02.469-08:00Wow. That comment will take some chewing on... m...Wow. That comment will take some chewing on... man.... Giant ReEducation Camp... hmmmm...STxARhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04588850178293194825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-7033091169852649012022-01-27T17:04:44.808-08:002022-01-27T17:04:44.808-08:00I agree with every commenter's view and discus...I agree with every commenter's view and discussions. I feel strongly that their can be fights or flights depending on the plights...???<br />Being constrained is No Ones friend in my opinion. People/Couples, may Lash out under particular circumstances. I just hope that we're not living in a Giant Re-Education Camp in our own homes/country...??? BURTONhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15217604063428955985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-38449914454063515522022-01-27T16:19:02.149-08:002022-01-27T16:19:02.149-08:00Jess, what a profound insight. We have not had an...Jess, what a profound insight. We have not had an avenue for solutions for the last two years - or rather, any solution that did not go along with Our Political And Social Betters' (OPASB) ideas of what those solutions should be. And that in terms does lead to people "giving up" - I have to fight this myself often enough.<br /><br />I wonder - does the realization of less control of our destiny ultimately turn us towards those places we have solutions, or do we simply continue to dissolve?Toirdhealbheach Beucailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872794169534403463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-15674206832392835192022-01-27T16:16:12.530-08:002022-01-27T16:16:12.530-08:00This was always my complaint Just So - it is far e...This was always my complaint Just So - it is far easier to "stop" an economy than to restart it, with all of the attendant issues. <br /><br />Forces that rot and decay often only want a certain "amount" of rot and decay - but it so quickly gets away from them that they, too, become its victims.Toirdhealbheach Beucailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872794169534403463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-19134959768166389042022-01-27T16:14:52.751-08:002022-01-27T16:14:52.751-08:00STxAr, that is a great point. Hard times do scrap...STxAr, that is a great point. Hard times do scrape the veneer of of things - and there has been a great deal of scraping in the last two years. And much like a piece of furniture being refinished, once the process starts we really have no idea where it will go.<br /><br />I think a great many people are coming to realize the one-wayedness of many of their relationships, not just with the people they expected but with the people they did not expect. <br /><br />Reality is sometimes a hard place to live, but it is also the only place where we can actually accomplish anything.Toirdhealbheach Beucailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872794169534403463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-68776328368529541692022-01-27T16:11:42.611-08:002022-01-27T16:11:42.611-08:00Ed, completely agree. It was a best difficult bef...Ed, completely agree. It was a best difficult before, but it feels like things have only gotten far more complicated. Our children are almost grown and out now - I can imagine how much more difficult it would be with younger childrenToirdhealbheach Beucailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872794169534403463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-86245686855433343602022-01-27T09:09:30.013-08:002022-01-27T09:09:30.013-08:00Clear problems, and efforts to correct the problem...Clear problems, and efforts to correct the problems, are what shapes a strong relationship. Cooperative efforts to a solution lead to strength, and an ultimate peace, with the satisfaction the problems is handled. <br /><br />We haven't had an avenue for solutions to the problems of the last two years. The isolation lead to feelings of being trapped, economic woes lead to the fear of losing everything secured over years of hard work, and the constant promotion of fear only increased the strain on relationships never exposed to problems without solutions. <br /><br />I think some just give up. The pet-peeves expand beyond being a small annoyance. That, and the apprehension of the future instills a fight, or flight, reaction. The feeling of security disappears, and that is an integral part of the foundation of a healthy marriage.<br /><br />This "pandemic" exposed our weaknesses. Most of all, it exposed the realization we have far less control of our destiny than ever before. That's enough to destroy a society, and the fear that developed is, also, destroying marriages.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15969361446367636746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-66122393960308933422022-01-27T07:43:24.426-08:002022-01-27T07:43:24.426-08:00It is always easier to tear down than to build.
...It is always easier to tear down than to build. <br />It is always harder to tend to than to allow to decay.<br /><br />There are forces that would have rot and decay carry the day.<br />Nobody said this was going to be easy.Just Sohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12610753621455763667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-40311234716066289722022-01-27T06:48:34.673-08:002022-01-27T06:48:34.673-08:00I think hard times really scrape the veneer off an...I think hard times really scrape the veneer off and show what is underneath. Larry Elder's dad really put it clearly: "He repeatedly offered my two brothers and me his lessons-learned mantras: "Hard work wins." "You get out of life want you put into it." "You cannot control the outcome, but you 100 percent control the effort." "When things go wrong — as they will — before blaming others go to the nearest mirror and ask yourself, 'Did I do everything possible to change the outcome?'" And finally: "No matter how hard you work or how good you are, bad things will happen. How you respond to those bad things will tell your mother and me whether we raised a man.""<br /><br />His last line, "how you respond...raised a man" really resonated with me. I knew from 'To Kill A Mockingbird' that I was one of the cleaners. I did the hard, thankless jobs that no one else would. I had to steel myself at times for what was in front of me. It is a good skill to have.<br /><br />But this loss of relationship was odd. More of a veneer scraping that I would have thought. I had an undiagnosed condition that surfaced during this mess. It helped me understand the why of my actions. I realized that I had "banked" goodwill and forgiveness for the future with someone who could not return that when needed. The realization I was in a one way relationship was... disappointing. <br /><br />I've come to realize that the timing of the "leaving" can be described as being left for dead. It is not bad to see clearly and completely, even if it is harsh and ugly. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE TO GO IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?? I was finally able to see where I was. It is no fun, but it is factual. I can live in reality easier than I can a fantasy.<br /><br />My desire is to be a good, Godly man, and not make shipwreck of my life or any one else's... With God's enabling, I can only control myself. Galatians 5:22-23 STxARhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04588850178293194825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-29731140749977794102022-01-27T06:26:29.252-08:002022-01-27T06:26:29.252-08:00I'm in agreement though I would say it is a bi...I'm in agreement though I would say it is a bit broader than just one's marriage. I think the world is making it harder to be a family. How I grew up in a family is MUCH different than how my children are growing up in our family no matter how much I struggle to make them similar. For better or for worse, that has changed things for all of us.Edhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13214319366049620074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-61352725350766868742022-01-27T06:07:56.516-08:002022-01-27T06:07:56.516-08:00It bothers me at some level that we could have see...It bothers me at some level that we could have seen this coming, as we could have seen the very deep economic issues that have arisen due to lockdowns. Odd to think that only 150 years ago, most people being "in the home" would not have at all seemed unusual. I wonder, did the manage the situation better or were things just as bad?Toirdhealbheach Beucailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872794169534403463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14404262.post-88410724177744100492022-01-27T04:58:08.891-08:002022-01-27T04:58:08.891-08:00Yes, Covid lockdowns have caused family relationsh...Yes, Covid lockdowns have caused family relationship strains. Prolonged contact within household can cause minor annoyances to be blown out of proportion. What habit thought eccentric becomes major annoyance that causes a blowup. Having children about to leave the nest also causes anxiety, adding to the strain. Retiring from work place and living with the same conditions as Covid lockdown. Daunting.<br /><br />Communication and LISTENING to your partner's comments should go a long way in making things right.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com