Thursday, March 17, 2016

Confusedly Depressed

So I think I figured out today that I have been a little (or a little more) depressed.

I have just not had the interest for anything that I am usually interested in.  All I have wanted to do is read.  I practice Iai because I must and weight lifting because it has become a habit - but everything else suddenly seems to have ground to a halt.

This surprises me a little bit because I have been making an honest effort to be more positive.  And I think, at least internally within myself and with my outward speech, I have overall been making progress. This flummoxes me as it seems to be precisely the opposite of what I was trying for.

Honestly, I believe a lot of it to be environmental.  The political and world environment in toto has me completely distressed and while not paying attention to it alleviates some of the immediate concern it is always on the back of my mind, a slope careening into dissolution and chaos.  Work has not been helpful in this regard either:  I am essentially doing tasks that I started doing 17 years ago when I entered this line of work, hardly the sort of thing to raise one's level of enthusiasm.

But the shutting down of all interests, all motivation, has me confused.  I do not understand where this is coming from.  And equally as important, I do not understand how to lift myself out of this and get back on course.

8 comments:

PeteForester1 said...

I feel the same way. I've been depressed before, and this isn't depression. Nearest I can figure, it's a feeling of being overwhelmed by so many things I can do nothing about. Lean on God. Do what you can do, and admit to yourself that there are certain things you just can't control. Shut off the radio and TV. Do SOMETHING; even if it's a small thing. God will look after His own. I wish I could say the same about the rest of the country...

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Overwhelmed Pete. That is a very good word that I had not thought of before you mentioned it but I think it captures my mindset quite nicely. You are right, of course: I feel things are more horribly out of control than ever. It is moments like these that I wonder if the great collapses of civilization also felt this way.

kymber said...

+1,000 to PeteForester1! TB - Pete's right. you are feeling overwhelmed by the political situation of the world, and feeling underwhelmed by your job situation.

can i offer some herbal medicinal advice? look into St. John's Wort - it has been used for thousands of years, not only to treat depression, but to calm a racing mind and to balance emotions. it is easily found in any health food store and it might help.

sending much love! your friend,
kymber

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Thanks Kymber. That is a very clear way to put.

I have considered St. John's Wort in the past. I will look for it.

Hope you are continuing to heal! - Much Love, TB

John Gray said...

Chin up
So says a new follower

Anonymous said...

Hey there, sorry to hear it. Depression is a stone cold liar. it whispers that not only is it hard and dark, but it will always be hard and dark...it fact, it was never light, that was just a delusion. Think dementors. Hold on and be as nice to yourself as you can. it will pass, it always does if you can hold on thru it.
CP

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Thanks John. Much Appreciated. I am sure that it will pass.

Thank you for stopping by!

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Thank you. There is a lot of wisdom there. I had never thought of depression as a Dementor but it is a very good word picture. I shall try.

Thank you for stopping by!