So I think I figured out today that I have been a little (or a little more) depressed.
I have just not had the interest for anything that I am usually interested in. All I have wanted to do is read. I practice Iai because I must and weight lifting because it has become a habit - but everything else suddenly seems to have ground to a halt.
This surprises me a little bit because I have been making an honest effort to be more positive. And I think, at least internally within myself and with my outward speech, I have overall been making progress. This flummoxes me as it seems to be precisely the opposite of what I was trying for.
Honestly, I believe a lot of it to be environmental. The political and world environment in toto has me completely distressed and while not paying attention to it alleviates some of the immediate concern it is always on the back of my mind, a slope careening into dissolution and chaos. Work has not been helpful in this regard either: I am essentially doing tasks that I started doing 17 years ago when I entered this line of work, hardly the sort of thing to raise one's level of enthusiasm.
But the shutting down of all interests, all motivation, has me confused. I do not understand where this is coming from. And equally as important, I do not understand how to lift myself out of this and get back on course.