Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Actual Life/Preferred Life

My life has really broken itself into two phases.
On the one hand is the part that takes of most of the time, the mundane.  Let us call it My Actual Life.  It is the life of work and home, family and responsibilities, things that need doing and things that I am responsible for.

On the other hand is the part of my life that seems to possess the least of my time, the exciting.  Let us call it My Preferred Life.  Herein the list is much smaller:  Iai, Highland Athletics, Reading, Language, Writing.  These are the things that I love to do, that empower me rather than making me feel disempowered.

Here is the terrible thing:  the split is pretty significant, as in 90% Actual Life and 10% Preferred Life.

The problem - I suspect the problem that most people face - is that they come to live for their Preferred Life.  They muscle through the Actual Life to try and get to the few brief moments of a week or a month that are supposed to make the whole thing worthwhile.  And for those brief moments, they do.

But then the 90% comes crashing back in.

I try and sustain the sensation for a while, convince myself (somehow) that this the way things are supposed to be, that I am being responsible and that this is the way that most everyone lives their life.  But I am finding those excuses becoming thinner and thinner over the years.  The 90% becomes less and less worth the 10%.\

I wish I had a clearer path, something that would start to transform that 90% into more Preferred Life, like an alchemist turning lead into gold.  There is a secret out there, some magic stone that I am missing that will do this.

Or at least I hope there is one.  Because ultimately the 90/10 split is not sustainable.  At least, not for my sanity.

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