There are moments when one feels like abandoning the cause.
It can come in a variety of forms, personal or professional or volunteer or even religious. It can come after a short period of time, but I think that it comes after a longer time.
Enthusiasm wans. Little things that were issues getting magnified into larger issues. The energy to do simply is not there. Or maybe it is the will. I am never quite sure of such things. Bottom line, one simply feels like giving up. Packing it in and going home. Locking the door and never going out again.
I have threatened - at least, I have threatened in my mind - to just start driving one day and not come back. Just keep going until I hit the Pacific and then maybe make a right and head up the coast. It is fantasy of course, mere stupidity. After all, I have a fairly extensive list of responsibilities that I have to meet.
Not joys, responsibilities. It feels like all that my life is dominated by such things at this point. And that leaves me feeling like simply abandoning the cause. All of them.
I will not, of course. I will get up tomorrow because that is what adults do and go do my job and my responsibilities. Children will be provided for. Animals will be fed and plants watered. My job will have the benefit of my attention and I will accomplish my tasks. Bills will paid. All the things a responsible person does.
But yes, probably, I will be driving to the Pacific in my mind.