Thursday, September 09, 2010

Two People, One Body

There are two personalities that seem to coexist somewhat uncomfortably in my skin.

The first is that of the Entertainer - a rather happy go lucky fellow that cracks jokes, gently mocks others, and tries to ensure that he gets along with everyone around him. He seems to go out of his way to make sure that things go as smoothly as possibly both for himself and everyone around him. In a lot of ways he's a "Hail, Well Met" fellow who seems to throw many of the typical aspects of relationships on their head.

The second is that of the Warrior - a somewhat grim, serious fellow that seeks to lead a life of purpose and honor. He wants to do great things, and sees that the path to do them is through dedication and action. He can become quite motivated and aggressive in pushing things forward; however he places relationships on a lesser plane than purpose.

How long have they been with me? If I sit and think about it, as long as I can remember. I have always craved attention, people liking, the sound of a laugh I produced just I have always craved a life of passion, honor, and purpose.

My problem is that the two of them often seem to work at counter purposes: the Entertainer wants to be liked, the Warrior wants to accomplish (and not care about being liked per se); the Entertainer wants to be happy, the Warrior wants to do; the Entertainer wants to create a laugh, the Warrior wants to move through life making an impact.

So here's the question: are these really two different people, or just two sides of the same coin? What are the common themes in them? How can I mesh them together so that there is no disconnect between the one and the other, no tacking back and forth, such that the energy wasted in being one or the other is transformed into the working of a fully integrated personality?

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